Добре, значи аз реших да пиша частни постове на българин така че аз мога да знам това, което то казва но никой не иначе се държи. Добре освен ако разбира се вие сте български, но от друга страна шансовете са, че аз не ви познавам или вие сте приятел, който аз не се грижа за знаейки какво се случва. Нещата са наистина трудни напоследък. То започна две седмици по-рано когато аз бях диагностициран от CYCLOTHYMIA и възможно разстройство на личността на граница (които вероятно ще дадат на вие английски хора улика към това, за което този пост е)
Те превърнаха моето лекарство в sertraline, и това беше толкова твърдо!! !! Аз бях много самоубийствен и искайки да правя вреда на същност през цялото време, аз не мога да престана да мисля за него, мислейки за кръвта капеща и контролираната болка, която е причинена. Контролът над нещо. Аз го пропускам ако аз наистина се справям... което е наистина глупаво откакто аз исках да спра така зле на година по-рано, и да бъде честен спомняйки си, че това е единственото нещо спирайки мен сега!!
Аз го правя изцяло планирано, как и където аз ще се режа, ако аз свършвам в болница начина, по който аз ще дам тайно на остриета - инчово, където аз ще мина през там за да се измъквам безнаказано за него без хора забелязващи. Неговото ужасно. Моят екип за грижа са външни така че никаква поддръжка също, и моите приятели не могат да правят цялата грижа, която то честно наистина не е на тях :(
аз мразя да се чувствам като това, аз не мога да чакам лекарството да започне да работи, то ще бъде толкова много по-приятно за всеки. Аз не съм сигурен, че аз мога да поддържам всичко това много по-дълго. Аз се заключвам толкова много колкото аз вероятно мога и само излизайки когато аз трябва. Това не е добро и аз знам това, но аз не мога да го подпомогна, аз в същност наистина се накланям. Нещата с бог не са толкова чудесно двамата, които ме разстройват повече. Аз мразя тази депресия толкова много. Аз искам то да върви. Аз искам да бъда безумен повече и аз съм потиснат и това не е събитие в моментът, в който аз съм потиснат повече и аз съм безумен :(
Точки на бог за похвала
- защото водене на мен - живо
- за помагане на мен не да правя вреда на същност
- for all the suppor that you have given to me lately in form of family and friends
- for your joy
- for all the normal things that i praise you for :)
AMEN!!!!!
self injury awareness day (trigger)
well i have decided to write a post about self injury awareness day. I have also just realised that i should have done one on Ehlers danlos since we have just left behind an awareness month for EDS.
I truly believe that this topic needs as much true awareness raised as possible, as there is SO much stigma with the label. People believe that it is attention seeking behaviour, a suicide attempt gone wrong, and many other things. The truth is that it isn't. Often a person self harms/injures as a way of coping with deep emotional pain, a way of releasing that tension that builds up inside. It can be a way to make you feel alive, feeling the pain and seeing the blood can ground you so that you feel alive and real. It can in fact stop a person from wanting to commit suicide, keeping them alive to struggle on in there daily lives. Sometimes it can be 'attention seeking' but don't see it merely as that, but as a cry for help. That person could be deeply troubled and not know how to reach out for help. Help them instead of looking down on them. If you know someone that SI's then do support them and encourage them to stop, be there for them in their time of need and don't look down on what they do as that will just make the person feel worse.
Some people may really struggle with 'why' , so many people including myself suffer pain day in day out. Some people could get really angry with those inflicting pain on themselves. But this is not a way of causing pain, in fact it is a way of releasing pain. It is means of controling the emotional pain that takes over your whole body.
Today actually marks a very important day for me in my life. It is one year today since i last cut. After being a self harmer for 12 years, and cutting for the past 5 years or so, being in recovery for a year is a HUGE achievement. The main reason for this is God. So all glory and praise goes to him! :) A year ago i met up with a friend and another friend who is a chaplain and we prayed. i felt God tell me that i had to give all my problems over to him, i got a picture of a the cross, and i placed everything in boxes and laid them at the foot. I have never felt as peaceful as i did at that time. For once in my life my mind was free from everything, and i was still. I had specifically prayed for healing of my self harm which was pretty out of control at this time. I felt that this had come to an end, with God's help and strength i was going to stop, so i got rid of all my blades and left it in God's hands. This last year has been a difficult journey of ups and downs. It hasn't been easy and for anyone out there that may read this i am not saying that it was easy cause everyday was a struggle, but it has been a struggle that i have put into God's hands and let him help me with.
I just want to thank and praise God SO much for all he has done to help me, and the people that he has placed into my life to give me the encouragement needed to get where i am. I know that days still to come are going to continue to be a journey in which i will have many troubles, and one day i may stumble, because at the end of the day i am a human, therefore a sinner. But i know that God will be with me every step of the way!!! :) PRAISE GOD
If you want to find out more about self harm then two sites that i will really recommend that you look at... lifesigns and sirius project the 2nd i know is a very trustworthy site as i know the person that runs it and she is a good friend. If you yourself are a self harmer and you want to go somewhere you will get some good support from where you can trust the people, then i highly recommend the forum on sirius project!
PRAISE GOD POINTS
-for being my rock in times of need
-for getting me through the last year
-for placing some amazing people in my life that have helped and supported me through all things
-for your creation
-for paul and his hospitality
AMEN!!!!!!!
