flat pictures

i promised you guys pictures of my flat once i found my cable... well i can now reveal pics!!


these are pictures of my bedroom. (dad sticking his tonuge out in the background... tutut!!:P)
















this is my bathroom, which i am almost certainly going to re-decorate eventually!!

this is my hallway, as you can see its quite big, so i am going to have this as a lil mini room too...

Yup, you guessed it... this is my kitchen.

and last but no means least... the living room... so there you have it, the flat that i move into on monday! how scary is that... esp as i am away this w/e and i still havent finished packing... ahhhhh help!!!

But it is all in Gods hand's :D

I thought at the bottom of this blog post(before i go to sleep) the conductor on the train deserves a mention, i dont know his name or anything... but he is the 1st one EVER to ask me if i needed any assistance. As it is i was ok and did not need any help... but there have been many a time when i have needed help, and no one has bothered. So even though i have no idea who it was i am still going to write thank you, and it is greatly appreciated amongst passengers who are disabled and need help! :D

singing lesson went well again today... i think that i have grown in confidence since finding out about my range, always nice to know!

PRAISE GOD POINTS

- for helping me to stay calm during parts of today when i could have easily lost it!

- for giving me the strength to get through the day

- for my family and for paul

- for the amount that i have achieved, that i could never do without God.

- for sending his son jesus so that we(as followers of christ) may live together... now what more could you want then to spend eternity with your lord and saviour!?

AMEN!!!

update

hey..
well i thought that i would take a few mins out of packing to post on my blog...
i had group yesterday again, and this is my main reason for needing to blog as i am supposed to recored my thoughts and feelings after so that when i finish next year i can see where i have come, it also helps me so that i can read things back and fill people in on how things have been in 2 weeks at next group.
i got really upset at the beggining, well not really upset enough to effect me or anything, but they have decided as a group rule that you cant be more than 10mins late for group, and it was discussed what the outcome of that is going to be... well my transport is often late which means that i am often more late then that, so that means that i will prob have to wait outside until the break if something big has come up... fair enough i understand exactly why they are doing it, but then it does mean that i will miss out on something that could potentialy be very important. oh well i will have to see how it goes (sorry i haven't told you this paul, but i have only just remmied about that, as i am sure you are aware i blocked the group out immediately, and so couldn't remmy much at the time, so nothing personal) .
I don't think that the group affected me as much as the past ones have done, there were bits that were upsetting, and lots made me think... but i was in such a bad mood i think i was able to filter it all cus i had to much other stuff on my mind too. i was last to talk yest... that upset me a bit, cus it meant that i couldn't let it out, and i dint get to talk about some of the stuff that was really getting to me(however i can't remmy any of those things now, so it cant have been that important). But then in a way it was a relief cus it ment that i dint have to talk either... but part of me wanted to and the other dint, i can't really win...

Alpha was good last night, our lil group is great and i think that we are prob closer as a group then any of the other groups that meet on a tues night, we are even doing a bit of socializing outside of Alpha, and its really nice and supportive, i feel honered to be a part of that group!! The topic was 'how and why should we tell others' and was a nice lil discussion. And one part in particular was VERY inspiring!:) The talk was quite good too and every point he had was all based on bible verses which tell us to do that point. Really made the group think about what they could do and how they could do it, which is really encouraging, you can really see them blosseming.
The real highlight for me though at alpha last night was what Mandy reminded me of... i was SO MAJOR stressed and was really taking it out on everyone and everything, and was so totally fed up and SO worried about getting stuff done for the move... mandy said to me though
'have you given all this over to God'
How on earth could i forget something so obvious and straight forward as that... my own advice that i tell people, and i forgot it myself when it came to me and my problems. i was SO greatful, and prayed immediatly... and boy did i not feel a million times better and happier... God surely answers our prayers... and i even woke up today less stressed and A LOT happier....

But that is obv hugely down to the lord, but also due to Tigz coming today... and the suprise she brought with her!!!!!!!! PAUL!!! how great is that :D :D :D
so yer we did some packing together, and then lunch, before dad arriving... so we went shopping for the last few things that i needed for the flat. We had such a great and fun day!!!!! and Paul i am SO sorry for leaving you out at times!!
Then this eve mum and dad came with chinese takeaway!!! YUM!! and then we did some packing together... i am SO tired now and in a fair amount of pain... but it was worth every min of it!!!

Praise God points

-for the fun i had today with paul, tigz and my parents.
- for giving me the strength to achieve the amount i have today
- for Mandy, in being Gods instrument in reminding me to give all my burdens to the lord
- for taking all my stress and worries away
-for providing me with everything
- just for being so super awesome!!!

AMEN!!!!!!

poem

i have just found amongst all my stuff that i was packing a poem that i wrote about 3years ago, i dont think it is all that good... but every time i go to write it in my book with my other poem's in i loose it... so i have decided that before i loose it again i will type it up on here and share it with whoever reads it.

I lift my life to you

In a place so near,
as near as you can get,
a friend forever so dear,
his love for me i can never forget.

Through water and through flames
he walks right by my side,
and cleans my heart so stained.
To stay is his promise, he never lied.

So deep he knows my pain,
forgiving and healing is his game.
I lift my heart to you now,
right down on my knees i will bow.

I ask for you to take over, to end this strife.
To live within me forever,
to take charge of my life.
To walk hand in hand forever.

You are in total control,
guide me to where you want me.
make my life a gentle stroll.
No one has ever or ever will be as great in my life as thee!

there is one line that i would really want to change and take out of that, and that would be
'make my life a gentle stroll'
paul teaches us to rejoice in our sufferings (james 1) That it will make us stronger and ready. lacking in nothing. sometimes i do a very bad job of rejoiceing, but that i know is what i need to do.

" Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." james 1: 2-4

so this is my reason that i would change that line.

suprise

i woke up yesterday to the most amazing suprise... however kinda embaressing.
friday night i went to bed kinda late(3am) so was still in bed asleep wearing the worst pj's i own when paul and sharon(tigz) turned up.
i must say that it was the greatest way i have woken up in a long time, if not EVER!!!!!
ive not met tigz before, however we have become very close over the last few weeks in which we have been talking, she has become a very good friend to me, and i feel SO blessed to have met her! :D So meeting her was just so special and amazing... thank you tigz!!
and to be woken up by paul, i dint think that i was going to be able to see him till next week, so seeing him was SO exciting. I must say that it was the quickest that i have ever woken up:D:D!!!

so yer i got up, and tigz took us for a gorge lunch at zizi's before going to find boxes. And for once i was right and Paul was wrong about something when it came to finding boxes... makes a change:P

so yer the day was AMAZING, and i cant wait till weds when i can see tigz again,as she is coming to help me pack... wahooo.

The move is all getting a bit stressful... ive got SO much to do in so little time, esp as i am away next weekend, and also since i still have college to go to college still.

Got some, what i have seen as bad news, others would see as a good thing to happen.
college have decided to remove pre professional music, which means that i loose my singing lessons unless i can find some sort of funding to carry me through to the end of the college year.
so i am going to be only doing music now... what a load of good that is. oh well...
i have had some good news at college tho... like some REALLY exciting news. I had my singing lesson on thursday and i asked how high i could sing... well my singing teacher managed to take me up to the 3rd Bflat above middle C, and we found out that i have a 3.5 octive range, so i have the alto and soprano range plus a range that is rare, and not many people have.... i was AMAZED!!! its almost as high as a flute can go, and that is pretty high!! THANK YOU GOD FOR MY VOICE!

my other really bit of exciting news is that i have been asked to be Godmum to one of my best friends baby! I personally believe in belivers baptism rather then pedobaptism, as i believe that the person should be baptised should he/she choose to after making the desicion to live there life for christ. Therefore my choice would be to have a dedication service rather then a baptism.
However i am happy to support the decision of the family, and will take my role as Godmum very seriously when i say the promises. (being as neither parents are christian, and neither go to church it means that i can give that child a grounding in the christian faith, and teach him about jesus :) how exciting!!!)

Praise God points-
thank you God for:

- for my new friend Tigz
- for the smoothness of the moving (organizing) situation so far
- for my singing voice
- for waking me up in time for church this morning
- for helping me to chuck away large amounts of my hording

AMEN!!!

flat...

okies... well it seems that i have had a few complaints about not updating this. So here i am...
i have been SO busy lately...
group last week was hard... i dint quite realise how many probs i had at the moment with my relationships. nothing that major, just things that mum said that really got to me really... well i was in a real state last thurs, and spent most of the night crying. But i think i have got it kinda sorted now... at least i hope. it was getting to me so badly and i never realised it. Have talked it all through with paul now, which was very difficult to do... i just knew that he wouldn't understand properly the way in which my mind plays tricks on me.
my mind has been a bit all over the palce lately anyway... and that is prob due to messing with my meds... my moods have been all over the place. i know that i shouldn't take my meds just when i feel like it, and not when i am not... but at the time i just feel like i dont need them so i dont bother, and then looking back i can see that actually i do need them. i norm dont like to miss my mood stabillizer tho, i am to scared of the outcome of not having it. but i had no choice the other night as i ended up staying out the night and i had no meds on me (teaches me a lesson to carry spare meds on me) and instead of going manic, which is what i thought would happen, i went the other way, and felt aweful...
this however had a good effect, cus it made me turn to God. i knew that the thoughts and feelings running through my mind were not from him, and i needed to rebuke them and turn to God for help, which he did :D.
God is amazing and can get you through anything if only you turn to him and rely on him!

in easy tigers we were looking at joshua, 1 (amongst other stuff)
and this is one of the things we really took from the study, which really helps me more with times of trouble. The verse that we really took away with us was the following (i would like to say now, that all verses i quote from in my blogs are all taken from the ESV)

" Have i not commanded you? be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the lord your God is with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9)

isnt that great. we dont need to be frigtened of anything, because the lord our God is with us wherever we go. this means that we can turn to him at any time. I'snt that awsome!!
i think this is an appropriate time to teach you the words SLAVA NA BOGA, which i am sure you have noticed is the name of this blog... it means praise the lord, or Glory to God, in bulgarian!!!

anyway enough about how screwed up my moods are atm...

on to the Good stuff...

i have been offered a flat, not only have i been offered a flat, i have accepted it and i move in on the 28th of this month... that is less then 2 weeks away now!!! scary or what...
everyone has been saying that i have really fallen on my feet again, but there is only one reason... i prayed and put it into Gods hands. God only wants the best for our lives and so if i leave it for him then he is going to supply me with the place that is best for me. SO many people thought that living where i am now was not good, but i knew that it was what God wanted, and even though it has been hard it has taught me SO much, and taught me things that will help me. ONLY good has come from me living here, however much at times it has been hard... but then that all goes back to the hard times being our training. it is SO true.
so yer... he has provided a flat quicker then expected, its really nice (will post pics when i find my cable) and in a good area... which is fantastic... not only that, its also on the ground floor!!! PRAISE GOD SO MUCH.

The reason for asking God to provide me with a nice flat in a good area, according to his will is due to the verses in Matthew that tell us to ask and we will recieve.

"And whatever you ask in prayer, you will recieve, if you have faith."
(Matthew 21:22)

Its not wrong to ask God for things if the reason behind asking is one that is not for greed.
now all i have to do is rely on God and trust that he will provide me with the relevant money/grants/donations of furniture to kit my flat out with the basic things that i need.
God is great and i know that he will provide me with everything that i will need.
i will continue to pray and trust. and not going to worry. the bible is very clear that we should not worry and this is mentioned esp in matthew 6:25-34, and also phillipians 4:6.
God will provide me with the strength i need to get through the next 2 weeks and i know that i can do anything through christ phillipians 4:13.

i had a great weekend too, very exhasting one... but it was great... i went to a 1920's theamed part, and then was awake all night. God provided me with strength to be able to walk back to mine which was awesome :D (picture of me and paul in costume)
then on the sunday i went to portsmouth with my family and paul for my grandma's 60th bday party:D it was really good, and the family actually got on for once:) YAY!! paul even got to push me around town in a wheelchair which he really enjoyed!!
God has been really gracious this weekend and has helped SO much with all sorts of things.

also had great things like alpha away day, and alpha tonight which were fab. i may poss have to help lead the next one, which will be my absalute pleasure since it is the topic 'does God still heal today' and i have plenty of personal experiance on that topic :D.
anyway this is already extreamly long... but before i go... praise points

- thank you God so much for supplying me with a nice flat, in a nice area... which is also ground floor, next to a bus stop(at the end of the path), and literally next door to the docs. also that it is already carpeted and has a power shower in the bath so i can choose a bath or shower!! :D

- for teaching me so much
- for helping me get home sun morn
- for grandma's party running smoothly
- for the people that came to you at the alpha away day
- for continuing strengthening of my family
-for my pain levels not being so high
- for being able to walk a little bit better
- and for all the other things that you have done in my life recently and will continue to do in my life (there are too many things to write here now!!!)

THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!

AMEN.

update on my life

well... i keep meaning to blog, and everytime i try i get interupted or something happens. So here i am trying again... and this time i will get there.
so much has happened since my last blog. i never did get my bible reading done then, but i did get it done 1st thing the next morn. i still haven't finished jeremiah and by now i am supposed to have read that, lemintations and started on next months readings.
Not really had a good time lately, and thought that things were totally fine with God till last night, when i realised that i hadn't been turning to God and asking him for help in my time of need. I am really good at getting others to pray for me, but i had neglected prayer myself.
last night i prayed and said sorry for not turning to him and asked God's forgiveness... isn't it great that we as saved christians can do that, just because God sent his son into the world to die from us and save us all from death. we never deserved it, yet God did this for us.

well i said a lot had happened since my last blog.
i had a difficult group last tues which brought a lot of stuff up from the past, even though things with my family have improved and i am getting on really well with them and i have forgiven them, it still hurts thinking about what happened. This group was about me aged 0-5 years. unlike a lot of people i have a lot of memories this age, most of which are negative. I had some of what i had planned to say worked out in my head, but i just couldn't talk about anything. in fact i ended up spacing right out and going into my own world, which in this case wasn't very helpful....it was picked up on too. i really wanted to cry, but i just didn't want to in front of others. It left me rather down too...and instead of giving it over to God i kept hold of it, never the best thing to do.

That then led onto the news i recieved on friday. i was told friday night that a very good friend of mine Quinn passed away last week. Quinn was a very good friend of mine, he has helped me a lot in the past and is one of the very few guys that i really trut. he was an amazing guy, and i just really wish that i had done a better job of keeping in contact over the last year, am slightly beating myslelf up over it now. :(
what hurt the most is the thought that he prob isn't in heaven. I say prob, cus you can never say 100% that you know that, as God is the only one that knows. But seeing as Quinn was a jehovah's witness i'm not sure that he is. That has hurt me a lot, and has made me slightly mad at the world for not being able to see the truth. People keep making comments like 'hes in a better place now, and he is in a place with no pain' i wish that was true, and i would really love to get to heaven to find out that in the last few mins of his life he changed his mind and accepted jesus in his life.

On top of this my ehlers danlos syndrome(hypermobility syndrome)www.hypermobility.org
has gone a bit out of control. Ive not really been able to walk properly since sunday, and by monday i wasn't even able to get out of bed before putting my splints on. i spent monday and tues in bed most of the day, apart from the hallelujah party monday night, which was amazing, and great fun!!! and alpha(discovering the meaning of life course with church) tues night. i went to go to college today, but the taxi didn't turn up, so i have spent a lot of time in bed today, trying to rest hoping that the rest might help. My pain levels have been through the roof, and i've got to the point that i really need pain relief(as i am not currently on anything due to me not being able to take any). i just hope and pray that things start to improve soon. i need a wheelchair at the moment, and dont own one, so i need to look into that more closely. but its more difficult due to needing an electric. i am very thank ful to the many people i have praying about my situation though. I know that i have to just keep trusting God. He knows what is best, and what the will for my life is. So i will continue to wait on God's timing with healing. and in the mean time i will remmy that all this time of trial is making me stronger in God, and more ready to cope with things. verses like

james 1:1-4 "count it a joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of verious kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith producess steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing"

and 2 corinthians 12:8-9
"three different times i pleaded with the lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me 'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is mad perfect in weakness.' therefore i will boast all the more gladly of my weaknessess, so that the power of christ may rest upon me. For the sake of christ, then, i am content with weakness insults, hardships, persecutions, and clamities. For when i am weak, then i am strong."

i have had some good times as well in the last week and a bit. last monday i went to london and had the privilage to work with kidscape
http://www.kidscape.org.uk
for a couple of hours. i then went to the best concert of my life... even though i was in severe amounts of pain it was worth it 100x over. that concert was Dreamtheater... wow how much it rocked... i will certainly remmy that for a long time to come, the special highlight for me music wise was deff octavarium live!!!!!! and what made it more special, was being with paul, and being able to see paul again for the 1st time in about a month...it was a very special day, and every min of pain was worth it. also the weekend was very special to as i was with paul :D and i was able to meet his other sister too, which was nice. It was pauls dad's birthday on sunday so i went there for a lovely lunch with the family. and then watched songs of praise with paul in the eve to see if we could spot me in the crowds.

i know this blog is very long, and i am very sorry to anyone that may be reading it... but i want to just say a few praise to Gods before i go....
i want to praise God for helping me so much today, my mood has lifted a bit since yest and i have been able to cope a lot better with the deteriation in my HMS and the severe amounts of pain that i am in.
- for the relationship that God has given me with paul, and i pray that this only strengthens.
- for the relationship between me and my parents. i want to really thank God for all the work he has done and is continuing to do there, and for being able to talk to them daily.
- for the fact that we can come to him in times of need, or times of rejoycing, he is always there.

i think i could go on and on... but these are just a few so THANK YOU GOD.